


Get a triangle in your ass

by iWriteBadSmut



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-18 00:50:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2329205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iWriteBadSmut/pseuds/iWriteBadSmut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's shameless PWP originally written for /co/ because I hate humanizations</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“So… all I do, is sign this contract.. and … you absolutely have to follow it?”

 

“To a T kid!” Bill waved his hand, “Contracts are legally binding, gotta say there’s some ridiculous bureaucracy in the mindscape.”

 

Dipper frowned while he read over the contract again. He didn’t see any obvious loopholes, but knowing Bil-- Wait, why was he even considering this?! This was –

 

“Crazy?”

 

A chill ran down Dipper’s spine as he turned his head, the familiar yellow glow of the triangle behind him turning a bright blue.

 

“Listen, buddy, I’ll even give you the time to look over it,” Bill poked Dipper in the back, eye closing. “Tell me in the morning, after you wake up”

 

Dipper felt dizzy as the dream began to fade. Wait, he was dreaming? Then what was he doing before –

 

“Dipper!”

 

“Huh?! Wha-“ Dipper’s head shot up from the desk, slips of papers and notes stuck to his face.

 

“You fell asleep at your desk again,” Mabel said as she bopped her brother on the head softly, “Guess

what?”

 

“What?”

 

“You’re talkin’ in your sleep again.”

 

Dipper didn’t understand why his cheeks immediately flushed and his ears began to burn. “So, uh, what was I saying?”

 

“Just the usual stuff,” Mabel said, twirling her oversized sleeves around. “Y’know, ‘Ah! Oh no! Don’t hurt me!’ Blah blah blah.”

 

“Ah, heh, yeah, must be the stress.” Dipper wiped a hand over his face, papers falling onto the desk. His eyes flicked over the desk and his body stiffened when he caught sight of the contract. Should he even bother reading it? He was sorely tempted and—

 

“Uhh, Dipper?”

 

“Yeah?” Dipper said as he blinked, jolted back to reality by his sister.

 

“Just be careful, ok?”

 

“Hey, usually I’m the one getting you out of trouble!” he said as Dipper felt another soft bop on his head.

 

“Boop.”

 

\--

 

“Alright, before I decide anything, and I mean anything, I have a few questions for you.”

 

“Sure kid, sure!” Bill circled around Dipper before stopping inches from the young boy’s face. The floating triangle didn’t blink as he stared straight into Dipper’s eyes. “What do you want to know?”

 

“F-First,” Dipper’s voice wavered as he pushed Bill further away from him, clearing his throat before continuing, “How would this work? I want to know all the details, I mean all of them, and wait, why should I even trust you?!” Dipper clutched his head as he turned from Bill, walking around as he rambled. “What if this stupid contract is fake, and it’s just another one of your schemes, and- and what are you even going to get out of this?!”

 

“Yeesh, that’s a lot of ‘firsts’!” Bill floated slowly towards Dipper. “Hmm, let me think..”

 

Dipper felt that familiar chill up his spine. But more and more he was starting to realize that it wasn’t like the chills he got when cornered by zombies or running from monsters. It was the sort of chill he got when—

 

_‘Lost in your thoughts again kid?’_

Dipper whipped around. “C-Could you stop doing that?”

 

“Doing what?”

 

“You know exactly – Why am I even having this conversation with you! You took over my body! You tried to steal the journal, destroy it! You—“

 

“Pine tree! Pine tree! The past is in the past!” Dipper felt Bill’s fall across his shoulders as the triangle pulled him close. “Besides, a deal’s a deal. And I know you read that thing over and over again and you _know_ it’s loophole free! So, what’dya say?”

 

Dipper felt his ears heat up again. He couldn’t even believe he was considering this.

 

“Wait, wait!” Dipper broke away from Bill, throwing up his arms in protest. “You never even answered my questions!”

 

“Boy with you blushing like that and the sort of thoughts you’ve been having lately I didn’t really think I’d need logic to convince you!”

 

Dipper felt heat on his cheeks. He was so tired of this stupid triangle lurking around in his head. Every night Bill would show up. The worst of it was he wouldn’t even do anything bad, just mess around with him, play pranks, that sort of junk. It wasn’t even malicious, just obnoxious, but for the past couple of days it wasn’t just the dreams at night that started to include the floating triangle. The stupid, manipulative—

 

_\--_ “Floating being of cosmic energy who is still waiting for an answer!”

 

“Augh!” Dipper fell back, Bill’s voice unexpectedly loud in his ear. “Answers! Now!”

 

“Don’t be in such a rush kid,” The triangle’s pupil dilating. “Life’s too short!”

 

Dipper squinted his eyes at Bill, watching the triangle slowly descend to Dipper’s level. The triangle twirled his cane and closed his eye.

 

“So, ‘first’, I’m pretty sure you know how a dream works kid. You can wake up any time, no issues, say the word and boom! You’re awake! And come on, I got schemes, but they’re much bigger than this. Promise, this is a.. well let’s just say it’s a side gig!”

 

“A… side gig?” Dipper looked at the ground. Bill definitely had something up his sleeve – the deal was just so uneven, it didn’t make any sense. Secrets of the universe didn’t really seem like a fair trade for what Dipper had to do. “.. And you’re absolutely _sure_ that this stays inside my head?”

 

“The surest I’ve ever been! So, what’dya say,” Bill shrunk his cane and clicked it, handing the pen to Dipper.

 

“We got a deal?”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Dipper pursed his lips. Bill was right. The boy had scanned that contract hundreds of times and even made sure to check it under black light. As far as he knew, it was clean. 

“Come on kid,” Bill hovered over Dipper’s shoulder. “What’re you waitin’ for?”

There were a thousand reasons why Dipper was hesitating. No, hundreds of thousands. This was an extremely bad idea. This was beyond extremely bad. It was --

“ _Stupid_?” 

“Please! Please could you stop doing that?!” Dipper yelled, “It’s bad enough that you show up in my dreams every night, messing around with my head! All while I’m running around all day, trying to figure out things that you won’t even tell me about but keep teasing me about. Then you… give me this stupid contract!” The Pine twin paced back and forth, breathing heavily. He looked more nervous than mad, that is until he stopped pacing and looked directly at the floating.. dorito… thing. “You keep showing your face around here and—“

Dipper paused for a moment, squinting his eyes at the floating demon. 

“Y…You don’t even have a face!” Dipper pointed his finger at Bill, his face turning red, “You’re… just some floating .. Dorito™.. eye ball thing!!” 

“Listen, boyo—“ Bill’s pleaded as he backed away from Dipper, his expression one of genuine confusion. 

“Fine! You know what?!” Dipper grabbed the still floating pen, “I’ll sign your dumb contract! Yeah, that’s right!” the boy hastily scribbled his name onto the piece of parchment before it burst into blue flames. The young boy crossed his arms before looking down at Bill. “So, uh,” the boy began, “You… uh, heheh… never really gave me the details on how this was going to work.”

“Jeez kid, predictable as always,” Bill said as he dusted an imaginary crumb from his bowtie. “Fallin’ for a little emotional misdirection.”

Dipper’s smug look melted from his face before his entire body suddenly turned cold. Had he really just done that? Did he just-- ?

“—Yes! Yes, you did just make a metaphorical ‘Deal with The Devil’! But I assure you…” Bill’s eye dilated before he floated right above the boy’s face, “… it was purely metaphorical.”

“Oh no,” Dipper gripped his head. “Oh no. Oh no, oh no, wait! Hang on, I take it back!”

“Sorry kid, all sales are final,” Bill snapped his fingers. The all too familiar feeling of fainting came over Dipper. He found it harder and harder to stand as the dream faded. He felt a thumping on his chest. His body was shaking, up and down and up and down. This was it. This was the end, Bill going to—

Dipper’s eyes shot open, the gray world of the Dreamscape gone, replaced with the scenery of his room. And also there was the matter of his twin bouncing up and down on his chest in an effort to wake him up. 

“Mabel!” Dipper pushed his sister off his chest. “Stop it!”

“Come on Dipper! Wake up!”

=====  

Dipper shivered in his bed. He had spent the majority of the day running around with Mabel, following her hyper antics and getting into trouble. But now, Dipper was left cold in his attic bed. He let out an audible noise of discomfort before rising from his bed in search of more blankets. 

As he combed the room, Dipper was reminded of what awaited him when he got comfortable and finally managed to fall asleep. “Dumb.. stupid decision,” the boy muttered, finally finding another blanket under his bed. He jumped back into bed and nestled under his blankets.

“Alright Bill,” Dipper said. “I’m ready for you.”

After much hesitation (and pep talk), Dipper finally felt himself drifting off to sleep. 

===== 

Dipper hesitantly opened his eyes. Birds chirped outside and the morning light streamed into the attic. This was not the Dreamscape. This was the polar opposite of the Dreamscape. Where was Bill? Dipper needed to talk to him, he needed answers, he needed --

“Wake up sleepy head!” Mabel yelled, jumping onto Dipper’s bed. She tussled his hair and bounced up and down. “Today, we celebrate!”

“Err, celebrate what?” Dipper asked. Had he forgotten an important date or something? 

“Your first night in a stinkin’ week you haven’t screamed in your sleep, silly!”

“Mabel, I don’t really think that’d be worth a celebration.” Dipper said. But Mabel was right… his sleep had felt incredibly peaceful. In fact, he felt more well rested now than he had felt in weeks. It was just …  
 _  
Too peaceful._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I've been so busy. I keep just wanting to write PwP then suddenly 1000 words of not porn.
> 
> I also had more but I'm sorta high so I'm going to bed night. Feel free to point out any grammar errors n such.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> written entirely while intoxicated

It had been weeks and Dipper had begun to get anxious. He had been getting some of the best sleep of his life; he’d awaken every morning to the birds chirping and sun shining, ready to start the day with a great sense of purpose and happiness. That is, until he remembered that something was missing. 

He was doing this on purpose. 

Of course he wouldn’t execute his plan right away. Dipper scrutinized the notebooks, books, and plethora of papers on his desk. No, he’d just leave the twin waiting and then strike when he was unprepared. But Dipper wouldn’t give Bill that chance. No way. There’d be no opportunity for error and –

“ – How wrong you are kid!”

“GAH,” the shock of Bill’s sudden reappearance shot Dipper back, sending papers flying. “B-Bill! But, wait, that must mean—“

“Fell asleep at your desk again,” Bill closed his eye and began to tut. “You have got to start taking better care of your body, buddy! Last time I checked, it was in pretty bad condition.”

“Last time you checked?! You mean when you stole my body, smashed my laptop, tried to destroy the journal and ruined my sister’s play?!”

“The very same!”

“Augh! You’re impossible!” 

Dipper threw up his arms, gray dream papers stuck on his face falling back onto the desk below. He was tired of this. He faced away from Bill and clenched his hands as his brows furrowed. Dipper couldn’t help but to notice that the gray room of the Dreamscape seemed a lot wobblier than usual. 

“Impossibly busy more like,” Bill said as he swirled around Dipper. “Like I said Pinetree, you’re sort of a side project.”

He turned sideways in his chair. However before he could get up, he noticed something growing suspiciously in his pants and Dipper quickly turned back around. Dipper buried his face back into the book, pretending to go back to sleep. 

He’d do this a lot. Just pretend to be asleep so Bill would leave him alone. Nights when Bill visited were the worst. Dipper would wake up screaming, sometimes crying even for no good reason. Stan would tell him to stop being a baby and toughen up, but sometimes it was just crying for no reason. Not even because he was sad. Just weird stuff.

“Listen, that isn’t gonna work this time,” Bill poked the pre-teen on the shoulder.

“How do you know?!” Dipper shot back.

“Kid! Sheesh! I’m in your head, turning around aint gonna stop me from knowing what you know.”

Lost in thoughts, Dipper opened his eyes. Oh, yeah. He had forgotten about that. Dipper’s face blushed as he looked down at his shorts, a tent clearly evident and rising fast in his pants. His face deepened in color and his flush expanded to his ears when he thought of -- there was no way -- there was absolutely no possible, absolutely no way that Bill could possibly trigger something li—

Dipper felt his face hit the ground as the desk and chair in front of him disappeared. The pain didn’t last long as Dipper was quickly picked up and thrown onto his bed by Bill. This was it. This was his harrowing. The triangle’s body quickly moved over to match the length of space his arms had traveled. 

“Alright Dipper, time to set a few things straight,” Bill snapped his fingers and Dipper cried out, closing his eyes and crossing his legs on his bed in preparation for whatever weird thing that Bill was going to do. Or painful thing. Or whatever the omnipotent dorito had in store for him. “I swear in all honest sense of the word I do not want to have sex with you.”

Wait.

What?

Dipper opened his eyes and stared at Bill. The triangle closed its eye and pointed his finger at the boy’s crotch before firing a stream of blue light. Dipper cried out in fear, before realizing—

“.. er… w-wow uh,” Dipper said, still blushing. “Thanks Bill.”

“No problem kiddo,” The triangle floated down to sit on the bed beside Dipper, facing out towards the rest of the gray room along with Dipper. “I’m serious, though.” The two of them awkwardly sat together for awhile. Dipper’s blush remained present on his face, practically shaking from the stale air. He bit the insides of his cheeks in an effort to lower some of his anxieties about the situation. No luck.

Bill snapped his finger, “secret number one, done and done!”

“Hey, Wait!” Dipper cried out. “No fair man. But… I..” Crap. Dipper scratched the back of his head and then wrapped his arms around his legs. He avoided eye contact with the demon as he spoke, “How’d you know?”

“Kid, how could you not?!” Bill chuckled. “Besides, I’m in your dreams. What else are almost thirteen year olds going to think about? Honestly, probably not about screwing a triangle, but, well, I guess everyone has their kinks.”

Dipper’s blush intensified. His body tensed up as he pulled his legs closer to his body. Not only was this the most embarrassing conversation he was ever having, he was having it with Bill of all people. 

“Ten Secrets, ten weeks unrestricted access to pick your dreams, that’s how it works buddy,” Bill waved his hand around. Dipper’s mouth opened but Bill’s small black hand quickly moved up to silence it. “—And before you ask, it’s hard to get into a mind kid! I’m all about time efficiency.”

“So all of that ‘anything that is done within a safe and pleasurable manner’ you meant—“

“Strictly non-erotic.”

“A-ah,” Dipper rubbed the back of his head again. “This.. this is pretty embarrassing. It’s definitely ranking up there as one of the worst moments of my life.”

“A moment I will cherish forever,” Bill said. “Too bad you still get the short end of the stick, Pinetree.”

“Yeah? How’s that?” Dipper crossed his arms. “I read that contract, pretty sure that besides” – he gulped –“Well, .. that… there’s nothing you can get me with!”

“Probably… B- for reading comprehension.” Bill floated from the bed slowly, his pupil dilating. “But… I do have to hold up my end of the bargain, so let me give you a few options.” Bill moved in front of Dipper, off the bed as not to crowd the boy’s face. 

“I still can have sex with you. If you want, that is.”

Dipper’s face exploded into a blast of red. He nearly felt like he would fall back onto the bed but he remained upright. Bill quickly waved his hands in front of Dipper’s face. When Dipper looked up he realized that Bill looked genuinely distraught. 

“Option two!” The triangle began, “I erase those dreams, bam, POW! No more awkward wakeup sessions where you’re a lil bit too wet in the pants if you know what I’m sayin’,” Dipper swore that if Bill could have winked, he would have. Dipper’s heart sped up. The choice should have been so obvious to him. But, for some reason, he didn’t know why he couldn’t find the words. His eyes narrowed at Bill.

“Why.. Why are you even telling me this?” Dipper said.

“… Well, uh, turns out, sheesh,” Bill said. It was the first time the Pines twin saw the triangle at loss for words.

“Say it!” Dipper yelled, then coughed before lowering his voice. “You’re contractually obligated.” 

“Technically… no.”

“… what?”

“That’s the thing kid. Never said in the contract that you got to ask the questions or that I had to answer the questions you asked, just that I had to answer some questions you had. Since I’m sorta in your head, it’s pretty simple to find some easy enough questions you want to find the answers to.”

Bill began to laugh, holding whatever counted as a chest as he took immense pleasure in Dipper’s failure. 

“But, hey, I’ll tell you anyways. Turns out well, ah, j..” Bill began to speak but then trailed off before clearing his throat. “I might have uh, made a few errors myself.”

“Ha!” Dipper stood up on the bed. “Well it serves you right!!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bill straightened up his bowtie and rolled his eye. “You don’t have to rub it in.” 

“No way man,” Dipper began to jump up and down on the bed while pointing down at Bill. “I’m not going to let you take my excitement out o—“ 

“--- so do you want a handjob or not kid?”

Dipper felt his head hit the ceiling before his vision went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahah sexual shit coming soon and I like how some people always assume sex is always penetrative as a lesbian it's like y'all must have fucking boring sex. B)))


	4. nsfw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because it's been too long and you guys need some tucking triangle smut that isn't thirty human bullshit.

Dipper awoke to a throbbing in his head. He groaned and slowly opened his eyes. It was night now. But he could have sworn it was the morning just a couple of seconds ago--

Suddenly, the conversation he had just had while dreaming flooded back to him.

"C... Crap!"

"Pine-tree, Pine-tree..." Bill wiggled his finger as he tsked. "You're too young to know words like that!"

"What the," Dipper began before looking around the room. He realized that it was still grey... and Bill was still here. And moving closer and closer to his crotch.

"H-Hey!" Dipper said, making motions with his arms indicating he wanted nothing to do with this. Bill didn't listen, continuing to crawl closer to him.

"What's wrong Dipper?" Bill said, his eye half closed. "Afraid I'll say something you won't like? Something.. a little H̀Õ̍̏ͬͯN̢E̓S̓͒̑͡T̓͒̍̉ͪ?ͯ͗̊ͯ̓ͩ̿́!̡̐̑͌ͤͩ?̸̠̈́ͭ̒͝!̞̍́̃̈̒̒̑ ?!"

A sudden burst of fear flooded through Dipper. But.. the feeling wasn't entirely unpleasant. Dipper's eyes widened. He subconsciously leaned in more towards Bill to listen.

"I know a lot more than you think I know. Trust me on that one," Bill said. "I've been watching your dreams. Been looking into your mind. I think I can help you experience some of those eh heh, stranger fantasies." Bill straightened his bowtie.

"S-so what! I'm a kid going through puberty," Dipper yelled, "Of course I'm gonna think of some weird stuff! It's not my fault that I'm thinking about you all the time. It's .. It's sort of .. Please don't make me say it."

"Oh jeez, not even for the SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE?"

Dipper felt woozy. His entire body felt weak.

"Dipper Pines. Pine-tree. Whatever I call you, nickname, real name, whatever name. Doesn't change the fact that you dream about this happening all the time. That you've been begging for me out loud to make me do this stuff to you!" Bill rolled his eye.

"You're right!" Dipper shot up his arms, spreading out his legs at the same time to reveal a large tent in his pants. "About all of it!" 

"Aha! So you admit it!"

Dipper's face turned pale. Bill began to move towards him again.

"Bill, wait. I just... I don't know. I don't know if I can do this," Dipper's entire body quaked as he spoke. Why in the world was this happening, this stupid little triangle... dorito-y thing now straddling his waist, pawing at places on his body that made him sweat and his palms want to grip for something, anything. Especially the dorito thing in front of him. Because Bill was now ---

"-- wait!! Bill!! What are you doing ?!"

"What am I doing?" Bill looked up at Dipper, genuinely surprised. "Do you really have to ask?"

Dipper couldn't breathe. He didn't want to breathe. Everything was so weird and confusing and he felt like he was going to die. Something rolled around in the pit of his stomach and he felt like throwing up. He pursed his lip. His cheeks flushed. His hand clammed up. His heart beat faster in his chest to match his breathing. Wait, when did his breathing even get that fast?? And his ears this hot. And the room so warm and sticky?

Dipper shivered. He never felt this way before. It wasn't the warm fuzzy feeling he felt when he thought about Wendy. The thoughts of holding her hand and kissing her on the lips. No, this was --

"-- dirty?"

Dipper's eyes shot open. He hated that. Ever since Bill had possessed his body he was in his dreams, in his head, night after night. Teasing him. Reading little phrases in his mind then saying it out to him. And ever since he had signed that contract it had gotten a lot worse. It was like..

"Jeez, kid." Bill closed his eye. "You let me into your head. You should know this by now, it's the same with me as with vampires..."

Bill's pupil dilated, ".. Invite them in once and they'll make themselves a permanent guest! .. And you just let me into your entire home."

Dipper half listened. It was as much as he could manage considering Bill had successfully robbed him of his trousers and now was now rubbing his hands all over Dipper's newly revealed briefs.

"Ha! I always thought you were more of a boxer kid." Bill rubbed his hands up and down Dipper's legs. Why did the twin feel himself getting harder and harder as Bill kept massaging his calves. Moving up and down his torso and exploring every single crevice of his body.

"Bill," Dipper pleaded, "Please don't. If Mabel found out. If Grunkle Stan foun.." Dipper softly began to whimper. Bill's ministrations moving closer and closer to his erection. Holy crap. Holy CRAP--!!

Dipper cried out as Bill ripped down his briefs and the boy grabbed onto the pillow beneath his head. He couldn't help it, his back arching on it's own accord as Bill gripped at his erection, the triangle's eye scanning up and down the boy's body.

"Come on kid, admit it to yourself!" Bill's voice rang out in the back of Dipper's mind. "You've thought of worse things... With worse things! Haha, jeez, you're one messed up kid!"

Dipper squirmed. He didn't know what to say. Or what to do even. What should he even do in a situation like this when a triangle demon thing was molesting you?

"Harsh words kid! Molestation implies you didn't want it!"

Dipper moaned, his entire body shaking as Bill sped up his strokes. Varying his tempos. Teasing other parts of his body and staring at him. Dipper closed his eyes as Bill hit just the right motion with his hand. Dipper felt ... His thoughts scrambled. Bill found a spot on him that Mabel found on accident once. Dipper knew Mabel wouldn't tell anyone about, because it made him make noises that a brother should never whimper out when his sister pokes him. Or when a triangle dorito thing rubs it tenderly. Bill moved his fingers to the back of Dipper's neck, making him squeak out noises of pleasure before Bill started to prod his finger around in Dipper's mouth.

"Whoa! Not.. Not cool!" Dipper sputtered, shocked by the sudden insertion.

"Relax, kid! I figure you had some spit to spare, considerin' you've been droolin' all over that pillow there. Besides ... I'm already touching worse places."

Dipper felt a flush of embarrassment. "That doesn't mean you can just do something like that and not even tell me about it! And also it's just sort of weird that yo--"

"-- Come on buddy!" Bill said, continuing his strokes with added vigor and handy spit-lube. "Secrets of the universe and an orgasm? What could he better?"

A moan escaped Dipper's lips as Bill rubbed his clavicle. "S-secrets of the universe?" Dipper became painfully aware of the situation again and the hand on his cock. "You promise?!"

Dipper couldn't believe how much his voice was squeaking. He also couldn't believe how much he was enjoying Bill stroking him up and down his shaft.

"Bill! Stop.. I've ..never gotten this far before! Please..." Dipper's words turned into moans as Bill continued to stroke him. Fireworks clouding Dipper's vision as his entire body shook. When Dipper was able to see again he stared down and panted, watching the white goo that oozed out of him contrast with Bill's cartoonishly black hand. He began staring down at Bill as he took deep breaths in. His senses and rationality returning from him from feeling, he couldn't even express it. Dirty. Amazing. Horrifying. To many emotions to even put into one word.

"Secrets.." Dipper panted. ".. now."


End file.
